Journal Entry in April

…interesting how much sunlight can lend a different perspective to a new season, a later hour of the day…its throwing dapples of light across this journal page which move when the breeze brings motion to the tree limbs and leaves…sitting here, writing seems to be a contribution to this envelope of calm into what should be, by this hour, a bustle of busyness and activity…not like it is…a sleepy sun awakening just before noon, still holding a mystery of what the coming hours will bring

…perspective…definitely determined by outside influences and dealt with by inward attitudes…how much of one influences the other?... how much of the outward impacts the inward?...is the outcome a true measure of character and/or strength?

…look at the rocks here on the table…do they appear to be different within the dance of different patterns of light and shadow?...yes…are they different rocks?...no…they are the same…solid, cohesive…but with the different season and hour, different facets are highlighted, different minerals are revealed, different edges are hidden

…I suppose I am much the same way…differences, good and bad, beautiful and ugly, positive and not, revealed under different patterns of light and shadow (outward influences?)

…but, unlike rocks, I can move…I can shift my position…as such, is it my responsibility not to allow myself to become paralyzed with emotion so that I sit sedentary, covered in shadow?

…I believe the answer is “yes” but sometimes I can’t find the way to break the paralysis…at least, not immediately, not as quickly as I would have it be done

…my responsibility…IS it my responsibility?...or is my responsibility only to call on the One Who can break my paralysis…Who is in control…I’m glad that God can pick up the pieces…He can lift me up, spiritually, emotionally, when I’m paralyzed…plus, He has a different perspective and I pray to see things through His eyes